Realizations will happen anytime, anywhere. It can happen in the middle of a busy street while letting your mind get lost and allow it to wander for the interim or by sipping a cup of hot coffee on a rainy afternoon while watching the rain outside the window.
Maybe a conversation you had with a couple of friends on your regular PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) session will stir up your brain a little bit to think and reflect on what stage you are at right now. Admit it, when you are a young professional, relationship, lovelife are the top most topic that will be on the table next to career. But how come most of the successful yuppie are mostly single? That's the question I don't know either, but my insight on this is based on stage 6 which is what is written below.
Maybe a conversation you had with a couple of friends on your regular PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) session will stir up your brain a little bit to think and reflect on what stage you are at right now. Admit it, when you are a young professional, relationship, lovelife are the top most topic that will be on the table next to career. But how come most of the successful yuppie are mostly single? That's the question I don't know either, but my insight on this is based on stage 6 which is what is written below.
Intimacy vs. Isolation
If you will research more about this on the web for a broader definition and overview, it's all about love. In a nut shell, this is the shortest explanation of it.
Erikson believed it was vital that people develop close, committed relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation. (Please click this link for the source)
“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; — it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” ~ Jane Austen
“If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.” ~ Martha Beck
“If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.” ~ Martha Beck
In the new age community and in all studies of spirituality, love is the main topic. A place we are all yearning to “return” to and yet, we haven’t had the time developmentally up to this point due to our focus being directed toward growing into a physical human being and our cognitive development. With that completed, it is appropriate and timely that we can turn to the path of love. With the outline of Erikson’s theory, it appears that what the “hottest” spiritual topic is cannot actually be consciously attained without the five prior stages. Therefore, in order to become a healthy spiritual adult, we must first be healthy physical beings with healthy egos.
If you belong in the age group 25-40 years old, some profound philosophical questions on this stage are "Am I loved or just wanted?" or "Shall I share my life with someone or live alone?". It is impossible, like virtually impossible to be with someone who doesn't have a clear sense of identity. The age you may attempt to enter into such a partnership varies according to the solidity of an identity. Being without identity, direction or purpose can hamper your ability to be in a relationship or lead to empty ones that are not fulfilling or worse self-destructive.
When you are on this stage, it is usual to ask if you are worthy or not. Choosing to be alone is one way of self-protection. If we don't feel loved or not worhty, we don't feel secure and the initial reaction is to isolate ourselves until we feel safe. This time, it will be "me, myself and I". This is the ideal time for self-introspection. Those people who are trying to influence us has less impact thus, allowing our own decision to follow and live life on our own. As a result, we become stronger in pursuit of "how and what we want to do it" it is doing things our way.
During this stage self-introspection, it assists us in discovering a lot of things; letting more love into our life which will lead into choosing to be intimate and/or isolated. Should there be a concious work needed to be done in order for us to open our hearts fully to love and in return allow others into our life in an intimate and meaningful way? Isolation is not the only wat that we can keep ourselves closed to intimate relationships. Some will focus solely on their career, and throguh addictions in addition to blatant isolation such as: staying locked away with a book or just watching TV, DVD or playing PSP; venturing out for the staple survival items like food, water and the likes.
Our ability or inability to keep an open heart is the primary spiritual mission at this stage. Since love is the highest vibrating emotion for human beings it is important to know what our resistances are to attaining this level of vibration.
In a word: FEAR. We are all well aware of the contracting and paralyzing effect of fear. However, fear takes on many disguises as it tries to infiltrate our lives in a misguided effort to protect us. For example, some of the most common ways fear plays itself out are:
~ Fear of being defective, wrong, bad
~ Fear of being unlovable and unworthy
~ Fear of being unseen or not seen for who you are beyond what you “do”
~ Fear of Abandonment, rejection or humiliation
~ Fear of being incompetent and useless
~ Fear of being harmed, unsafe or not secure
~ Fear of being without, of being in pain
~ Fear of being controlled or manipulated
~ Fear of being disconnected, cut off, shut out
By identifying what our deepest fear is, we can shed light on it, take the “charge” off of it and analyze it. We can take conscious action to mitigate it and allow ourselves to be more open and more open with others and the world. Some ways we can overcome our fears and gain more love and intimacy are:
~ Identity your core fear: write about it, talk about it, take action to overcome it.
~ Love Yourself: Learn to love those parts of you that you criticize yourself for. Clues to what those are can be traits you find abhorrent in others. Often times these are shadow aspects of ourselves that we project outwards.
~ Have a relationship with God: Pray, meditate; go to church, workshops or retreats.
~ Be more social: accept social gathering invitations such as parties or events have gatherings in your home, go to concerts, festivals, etc.
~ See a counselor: Seek out a counselor, pastor/minister, or spiritual advisor that you can discuss your blockages or resistances to love with.
~ Go to a support group: Join a support group for any long standing issue you feel keeps you from fully loving yourself or others.
~ Journal: Keeping a frequent journal can help uncover subconscious beliefs you hold about yourself.
~ Volunteer: Being in selfless service helps us feel better about ourselves and removes us from a place of self centered absorption and self-pity and isolation.
~ Review your life for patterns in relationships that seem to repeat regardless of the relationship. Notice how you contributed to that and are not a victim.
Whether cognitively, physically or spiritually, Erikson certainly tapped into the fact that we are not necessarily ready to address love in an introspective way until this stage. Therefore, it truly is part of the human experience to “return” to love. Knowing this concept can help alleviate some of the pain we’ve experienced in our life that has caused us to shut down and protect ourselves. By knowing it is our job as students of the earth to lose and then regain our connection to God that is and the vibration of love, allows for compassion, gratitude and forgiveness for all of life’s lessons. Being able to offer this to ourselves in turn allows us to offer this to others. If we can do that, we’ve accomplished much in our life!
If you belong in the age group 25-40 years old, some profound philosophical questions on this stage are "Am I loved or just wanted?" or "Shall I share my life with someone or live alone?". It is impossible, like virtually impossible to be with someone who doesn't have a clear sense of identity. The age you may attempt to enter into such a partnership varies according to the solidity of an identity. Being without identity, direction or purpose can hamper your ability to be in a relationship or lead to empty ones that are not fulfilling or worse self-destructive.
When you are on this stage, it is usual to ask if you are worthy or not. Choosing to be alone is one way of self-protection. If we don't feel loved or not worhty, we don't feel secure and the initial reaction is to isolate ourselves until we feel safe. This time, it will be "me, myself and I". This is the ideal time for self-introspection. Those people who are trying to influence us has less impact thus, allowing our own decision to follow and live life on our own. As a result, we become stronger in pursuit of "how and what we want to do it" it is doing things our way.
During this stage self-introspection, it assists us in discovering a lot of things; letting more love into our life which will lead into choosing to be intimate and/or isolated. Should there be a concious work needed to be done in order for us to open our hearts fully to love and in return allow others into our life in an intimate and meaningful way? Isolation is not the only wat that we can keep ourselves closed to intimate relationships. Some will focus solely on their career, and throguh addictions in addition to blatant isolation such as: staying locked away with a book or just watching TV, DVD or playing PSP; venturing out for the staple survival items like food, water and the likes.
Our ability or inability to keep an open heart is the primary spiritual mission at this stage. Since love is the highest vibrating emotion for human beings it is important to know what our resistances are to attaining this level of vibration.
In a word: FEAR. We are all well aware of the contracting and paralyzing effect of fear. However, fear takes on many disguises as it tries to infiltrate our lives in a misguided effort to protect us. For example, some of the most common ways fear plays itself out are:
~ Fear of being defective, wrong, bad
~ Fear of being unlovable and unworthy
~ Fear of being unseen or not seen for who you are beyond what you “do”
~ Fear of Abandonment, rejection or humiliation
~ Fear of being incompetent and useless
~ Fear of being harmed, unsafe or not secure
~ Fear of being without, of being in pain
~ Fear of being controlled or manipulated
~ Fear of being disconnected, cut off, shut out
By identifying what our deepest fear is, we can shed light on it, take the “charge” off of it and analyze it. We can take conscious action to mitigate it and allow ourselves to be more open and more open with others and the world. Some ways we can overcome our fears and gain more love and intimacy are:
~ Identity your core fear: write about it, talk about it, take action to overcome it.
~ Love Yourself: Learn to love those parts of you that you criticize yourself for. Clues to what those are can be traits you find abhorrent in others. Often times these are shadow aspects of ourselves that we project outwards.
~ Have a relationship with God: Pray, meditate; go to church, workshops or retreats.
~ Be more social: accept social gathering invitations such as parties or events have gatherings in your home, go to concerts, festivals, etc.
~ See a counselor: Seek out a counselor, pastor/minister, or spiritual advisor that you can discuss your blockages or resistances to love with.
~ Go to a support group: Join a support group for any long standing issue you feel keeps you from fully loving yourself or others.
~ Journal: Keeping a frequent journal can help uncover subconscious beliefs you hold about yourself.
~ Volunteer: Being in selfless service helps us feel better about ourselves and removes us from a place of self centered absorption and self-pity and isolation.
~ Review your life for patterns in relationships that seem to repeat regardless of the relationship. Notice how you contributed to that and are not a victim.
Whether cognitively, physically or spiritually, Erikson certainly tapped into the fact that we are not necessarily ready to address love in an introspective way until this stage. Therefore, it truly is part of the human experience to “return” to love. Knowing this concept can help alleviate some of the pain we’ve experienced in our life that has caused us to shut down and protect ourselves. By knowing it is our job as students of the earth to lose and then regain our connection to God that is and the vibration of love, allows for compassion, gratitude and forgiveness for all of life’s lessons. Being able to offer this to ourselves in turn allows us to offer this to others. If we can do that, we’ve accomplished much in our life!
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